Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
