I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
