just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
