some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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