is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I was not drunk enough for that final.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
