Whod you bang
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
