Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
