what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
