she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Let's get the cat blown out
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
