I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize