he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
