Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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