so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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