So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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