just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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