There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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