We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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