My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
this is an emotional support booty call
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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