Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
