I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
