I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
