Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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