Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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