Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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