I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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