the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
