I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
