i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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