apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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