so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
