Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Dicks are not precious.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
