3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
