I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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