Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My bed smells like the plague
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
