What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
