I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
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for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
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Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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