You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
