I'm going to jail i love you
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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