i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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