I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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