There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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