I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
