Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
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Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
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Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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