My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
