your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
