They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
