You're completely useless in the revolution.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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