Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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