He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
