I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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