Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
