I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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