Where is the hickey?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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