dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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