3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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