theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
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He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
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Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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