if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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