So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
