Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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